Involve your loved one in daily household chores, like cooking

The idea: Sal's wife Anna has Alzheimer's and he is her caregiver. Amongst other daily activities, Sal involves Anna in cooking their meals, keeping Anna active and living a purpose-filled life.

Hello, our names are Sal and Anna.

Anna has had dementia for twelve years, and during these years Anna and I have had a great life. Currently, Anna does not know me or the family all the time and she is in and out with her emotions. In spite of this we are still able to enjoy our life together.

For the past five years I have prepared and cooked all meals, except when we dine out. Anna was a tremendous cook (she learned from her mom), but as I noticed her failing to cook at the level she always had, I decided to help her. She was very territorial and refused to have me do any of the cooking. Her favorite response was, “I have been cooking all these years and now you want to get involved?” She was right, as I had never cooked, washed a dish or assisted with household chores, the reason being that we had a pact: she would take care of the housework, meals, etc., and I would provide the resources, which I did.

After about six months of attempting to cook, I finally broke through. Once Anna allowed me into the kitchen, she seemed to like the idea and I have been in the kitchen ever since. However, Anna is the best helper anyone could ask for. I have her help me in all phases of cooking, washing or just about anything that I feel she is capable of doing. Helping in the kitchen keeps her alert and uses her brain power, which in my opinion extends the years that she can continue to feel useful and feel like a regular person. I always make sure to thank her and advise her of how good a cook and helper she is. She appreciates this; her face lights up and you can just feel the euphoria she receives from the conversation.

Keeping a patient upbeat is very important to their outlook. Even at her level of illness, Anna still has feelings, as do other people with dementia. Always thank them for their help and tell them what a great job they did. They love this and it surely makes them feel alive. They demonstrate that they want to help out in many ways.

Sal & Anna

Editor's Note: Sal's book Living with Alzheimer's and Dementia, A Caregiver's Guide is available now in eBook format and as a hardcopy book. Both can be purchased at http://myspouseandalzheimers.com/.

Published on 16 February 2012